So, you’ve rolled over, batted your eyes awake and as you move you suddenly get that funky tummy feeling. Your head is banging like a sh*thouse door in a gale storm (bonus points for getting the reference). You feel the fear wash over you. Congratulations you’re officially hungover.
Fortunately or unfortunately you’re clicking this blog at just the right time. Either you recognise the feeling and are saving this for a rainy day or you’re absolutely hanging. Luckily for you I’m here to divulge my survival tips. Consider me your hangover fairy. You can thank me later.
Surviving hangovers isn’t something new to me. I have a C.V full of experience (sorry mammy). After almost three years of blogging about my adulting f*ck ups which involves going to a lot of notions events with booze and living that student life I’ve gathered enough tips and tactics to make my head hurt less.
Let’s begin: Step one is to move very slowly. Now I know that you’ve spotted that glass full of clear liquid on your bedside locker. Do not fall for the trap. Before you grab it and chug it like you did all those €2 pints in Diceys last night, do me a favour and give it a good shniff. Too often I have heard stories regaled of the Vodka Trap. Trust me, the last thing you want to do is immediately chuck a bunch of spirits down your throat the minute you wake up.
Next on my list of things to do is get out of bed. I call this one the ‘slip n’ slide’ because this will be the slowest slide out of bed you will ever do as you try not to jolt your tummy around too much. The slip comes in if you’ve vommed in the bed in the middle of the night. I know, you’re a classy bird.
Next in your line of things to do is to go for a stylish yet comfy look. I’m talking the biggest pair of sunnies you have so you can channel your inner diva and keep out that blasted sunlight. Someone tell the sun to feck off. You’re also going to need a big geansaí to complete the look. Timeless. Classic. Effortlessly stylish.
Remember March of the Penguins? That’s exactly what you’re going to be emulating on your way to Spar. A chicken fillet roll is the delicacy of the day. That, or if you’re a Dublin bunny Burritos from Verde on Aungier street is a solid alternative. I recommend you stray away from ordering a cheese topping. Dairy is not a good plan right now.
This next step is to wake yourself up for enough hours that you can guzzle a litre or so of water to wash away the alcohol and shame. That means it’s time for caffeine. You need to stock up on coffee or Lucozade sport. STAY AWAY from the Red Bull, it will dredge up the bad memories from those Jaegerbombs you thought were a great idea.
Today is not about movement so waddle yourself back to bed and open up Netflix and shut the curtains. Concentration is not going to be your strong-suit. Stick on some easy watching like Finding Nemo.
Depending on how bad you remember your behavior was I would advocate for phone avoidance. Completely sober you can deal with it tomorrow. If you reckon it wasn’t too bad phone a friend and have a b*tch. Nothing warms the heart and settles the tummy like complaining. “Did ya see what yer wan did last night?”
Finally on your list of things to do is to hop in the shower because let’s be honest you’re pretty crusty right now. You literally resemble Dustin the Turkey. After you get out of the shower change the sheets on your bed and hide all evidence of last night. Tomorrow is a new day and you’re definitely going to make that 9am, right? Enjoy a ropey nights sleep and recycle this article again because you were definitely lying when you said you were never drinking again.
See you in Copppers next week!
All my love,